Overcoming desperation in dating starts with recognizing that your desire for affection and connection is normal. Then, you need to make sure your deal breakers are clear:

This means keeping your standards high and spending time doing things that give you meaning in life. It also helps to be self-sufficient and to know what you’re looking for in a partner.

1. Stop narrating your thoughts.

In a time where everyone seems to be in relationships it can be easy to feel desperate for love. However, entering a relationship when you’re desperate can be harmful to your wellbeing.

Narration is the process of thinking about your thoughts and emotions in the moment without actually experiencing them. This never-ending story in your head keeps you up at night and interferes with your ability to experience joy and stillness in the present.

If you’re narrating, you can come off as desperate and clingy which can turn off men. You may also seem pathetic and withdrawn, which can quell any spark before it even begins. Instead, try viewing dating as an autotelic activity and choose dates that you genuinely want to spend time with.

2. Stop trying to be someone you’re not.

When you’re desperate for love, it can be tempting to try to change who you are in order to attract more men. However, this is usually a recipe for disaster. People can tell when you’re not being yourself and it will be hard to trust you.

It’s also important to remember that desperation comes from a place of low self-esteem. In order to stop feeling this way, you need to work on yourself and find ways to feel good about yourself. This could include working out, reading a book or getting back into your hobbies. This will give you a sense of confidence that you can bring to your relationships and help to stop looking so desperate. You can then avoid bringing this bad energy into them.

3. Stop being a pushover.

While it is perfectly normal to want to have a partner in life, this shouldn’t make you settle for someone who doesn’t satisfy you in the ways that you need to be satisfied. A woman who is clingy, overly jealous, or has trouble expressing her feelings may be approaching relationships from a desperate place.

A person who is desperate for a relationship will seek outside approval at every turn. This may include seeking compliments from others or reading every self-help book and relationship magazine she can find on the newsstand.

Instead of reading every advice column on how to overcome your desperation in dating, start by taking some time to define what you need and want from a partner. This list will become your shortlist of requirements for potential matches and help you avoid settling.

4. Stop being a control freak.

When people are desperate, they tend to make bad choices. Getting too close to someone with the intention of “saving them” is one example. It’s important to figure out exactly what you want in a partner before you start dating. This will help you avoid making desperate decisions.

Being overly jealous or possessive is another sign of desperation. Also, constantly asking where he or she is or who they’re with can come across as clingy behavior.

Finding happiness by doing things that give your life meaning and are satisfying in their own right is a good way to stop feeling desperate. You can do this through work, hobbies or even through religion. Seeking professional help is also an option and can untie the thousand knots in your head that fuel your desperation.

5. Stop trying to be perfect.

You’ve been swiping, talking small talk, and sending inane messages to people that disappear. It’s exhausting! But you have to remember that neither another person nor the universe owes you anything.

Entering a relationship while you’re desperate is not going to end well. Desperate women tend to come off as clingy, needy and pathetic. They want to know where their guy is all the time, who he’s with and what he’s doing. Guys will see this as desperate behavior and they’ll run the other way.

Those itchy unsettling feelings are trying to tell you something. Listen to them and understand that a lack of confidence in yourself is what’s driving you to feel this way. It’s a problem that can be fixed by learning more about yourself and doing some inner work.